The title soughts of reminds me of the compositions we used to write back in school.Well as it states I'll never forget not because of anything nice.14th June 2011 is a day I'll never forget.I've never had a series of problems follow me like ants heading for their hide out in millions,fell out with friends,mourning two friends,sued in court,ripped off,missed an audition because "they got what they wanted",heartbreaks...anyway non of these could be compared to how the day ended.AT HOMEI got to the house at around accumulated all my problems in one corner and burnt them with my flames of anger and tears that acted as petrol.After an hour of crying I kinda felt better but was hungry.It was about 11pm.Had two eggs lying around in the kitchen so decided to make an omlette and ugali.Alas!!!As soon as I placed the sufuria on the meko gas,all the gas could communicate was a sound,"Puthu!" it sounded like a baby farting.For those who are not blessed to have such a gadget;well it simply tells you,"GAS IMEISHA!"My heart raced at the speed of a cheetah,the troubles in my mind went helta-skelta in my mind(Composition mode) frustration piled. There was nothing edible in the house and all I had fed on the entire day was a snack called French fries Aka chips.So I told myself,"Self! I cannot sleep hungry.It's almost midnight,where can I get food?"I went outside to check if there's a shop open.Our "guard" Nelson, was at his post executing his security duties. I narrated to him my plight (The gas part only). He didn't see it as a problem and in his Maasai accent said,"Kama ataeza nunulia mimi chai na chapati nitapeleka yeye".That's 15 bob,"DEAL!Twende".He leaves his partner there as we go to this great joint.We walk towards Soweto,the most dangerous area in Kayole."Nelson,Soweto?""Ndio,uko ndani ndani".The dude doesn't sense my concern and so I spell it out to him,"Nelson,si huko kuna wezi wengi na wakora bwana"?"Wengi sana,hata jana mwisi naua mutu hapa".This guy is not serious & I tell him,"Fanya hivi,chukua hii 50 bob me narudi".Confidently the dude says after laughing,"Erro,hapana ogopa,hii makora yote najua mimi sana".A group of guys like 10 with pangas appear and confront us but they see Nelson and go like,"Aagh,erro,ni wewe?"This a bit re assuring as the thugs go their way. This fuels our quest to quell our burning bellies,let me say my belly.Finally,Messi hotel. We go in and am surprised by the number of people in there.It's like packed and very noisy.The customers one can tell are not good people.They throw glances at Nelson and I then go ahead with biznes. I can see a lap top being examined,a 42" Sony TV leaning against the wall.Before I go on let me explain how this place looks like,it has no elec,they use tin lamps,it's made of mud and you can see the sky from inside,it's smelly and really untidy,the floor is muddy as it had rained earlier. Am too hungry to note this.The waitress asks to take our orders.Nelson asks for chai na chapati,I ask for madondo na chapati tatu,suddenly the place goes quiet all eyes on me........."What?"I know what when our orders are brought.Maze some big ass chapatis I've ever seen.Those things had a radius of like 25cm and had planned to carry them to show guys coz najua hamta amini. The hygiene in there ain't appealing tho,but I don't care.I hungrily took one biiig bite of the chapati,FUUUUUUCK!!!!I spit the stuff out.The chapo had a very bitter taste and smelled really bad. I swear nilishiba pap!!! A dude came to sit next to Nelson and was whispering something to him.I dont know what it was but for the 1st time,Nelson spoke without an accent,"Sonko", (That's what he calls me,"Tutoka hapa sahii,naskia wanakupangia!!!"WHAT THE HOOOOT!!!!I chuck the two sok I had threw it at the waiter and started walking out with Nelsson. We notice a bunch of the guys in the cafeteria exit after us. Nelson tells me to keep walking nikipiga corner nitoke mbio(Thank God I had sneakers on) I walk slowly but really first as Nelson plays hero and remains back to negotiate. It reminded me of those movies the hero shouts,"RUN,RUN & DON'T LOOK BACK". I feel after this ordeal even if Nelson is responsible for this,I'll give him a K. But before I reach the corner,I hear serious slaps from behind.Am hoping it's not Nelson...it's Nelson all right,he whizzed past me in lightening speed and mumbles something in ki Maasai (I can't believe am laughing I swear). Where was I? Right the Maasai running past me,reminding me David Rudisha is Maasai. My fear reminds me that the 1st Kenyan to ever run the 100m in the olympics,Peter Wekesa,was not only luhya but also my uncle. I took off after him,his waving lessos inspiring me to run. Then shit!!! We run into the group we met with pangas.-Goodbye my new Nikes.-Goodbye my iPhone.-Goodbye my Rado watch...WHAT WAS I THINKING COMING DOWN HERE WITH THESE STUFF.I surrendered went down on my knees with my hands raised after I saw the pangas held high and the fellows shouting,"SIMAMA HAPO,SIMAMA AMA UKULE PANGA!!!"I was so scared that I wasn't even shaking anymore.I was so composed. I cursed my late friends Ondiech and Kibet & told them am not joining them up there.Then the twist came.The guys chasing us turned round and ran even faster towards Messi Cafe.Came to understand the machete crew was actually a vigilante group running security of Soweto area because cops fear going in there.I paid them 100/- and headed home with my fake body guard.I only hope today will be a better day for me.ION...Alfred Ondiech's Funeral fund raiser today at 4:30pm.Come one,come all.
