CHEATERS Bungoma edition

CLIENT:
Mary Nasambu,contacted cheaters who suspects his boyfriend Kololi a boda boda is riding more than his bicycle. She comes to cheaters for answers.

MARY: Huyu Kololi aki nampenda,na ananichungaka fisuri. Akikucha nyumbani ananileteanga chuis na keki plaka forest,lakini hanitoshelesi kimapensi.

INVESTIGATION DAY 1:
Cheaters investigators wait for movement at the Bungoma bus park.

Suspect Kololi has a male customer approach & declines but an unknown female customer approaches and they share a brief greeting and he carries her to Sinoko where suspect Wakoli & the unknown female companion get into her house and stay there for hours. Kololi shows his infidelity in this recorded telephone conversation.

MARY: Kololi uko wapi.
KOLOLI: Si niko kasini.
MARY: Nipike nini zapa.
KOLOLI: Nitakunywa chai du.

With this piece of evidence cheaters meet Mary

CHEATERS CLIENT BRIEFING

GRECO: Hallo Mary.

MARY: Niko salama lapta wewe.

GRECO: You asked us to investigate if Kololi is cheating and this is what we got. Our investigators followed him at the bus stop...

MARY: Haiya!!! Huyu ni Kololi kwa fitio???

GRECO: A male customer approaches but declines but a female comes they share a moment and he carries her. Kololi carries her & we notice how his female customer is rubbing his back suggestively.

MARY: Wa Wa Wa!!! Hepu rewind!!! Haki huyo ni Nekesa kasini wangu.

GRECO: And they went to her house and he was there for 8 hours and he came out with a bottle of juice and cake.

MARY: Yani Kololi ana (tiiiii!!!) alafu ananiletea kegi???

GRECO: I know it's hard for you. (Phone rings) Haloo...yes...he's with her right now...we are a few minutes away...ok.
Mary those are cheaters investigators and Kololi is with her. Are you prepared?

MARY: Haki twende. Aniambie tu mbona ananifanyia hifi.

THE CONFRONTATION:

(Greco, Mary & cheaters crew in lantana bushes near the suspect's hide out. Kololi comes out to see the group)

MARY: Kololi kweli kweli tu unanifanyia nini?

KOLOLI: Aiii Mary mbona unani aipisha hifi?

MARY: Hunifanyiangi mapensi kumbe ni huyu pitch!

WOMAN: Unaita nani pitch!!!???

CONCLUSION:
In the cheaters car as they go.

GRECO: Now Mary what's yo next step.

MARY: Kina Kauntezia walinikatasako na sikuskia. Me nitaendea Wanjala tu at least watu wa mkokoteni hawanaga stress ama Kefin, wanaume wengi wananitakanga Wakoli anaesa kaa na huyo pitch. Wakwende huko.

BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

I rarely use the F word but this is fucked up. My pal (Let's call him Oloo) & his chic changad bought a car last year.,an Audi.

Being Mr Generous,a friend borrowed it & Oloo gladly lent him. The dude went out drinking showing off "his" Audi in Thika.

That night,driving back from Nai he got an accident & rolled with the car along Thika road. Miraculously he survived without injuries but his friends,a chic who sat infront got hit by the air bag and twisted her neck & 5 guys squeezed in the back got serious injuries. The "borrower" went to his place that night,packed & left for UG(He's Ugandan)

NO THAT IS NOT THE FUCKED UP PART...

Oloo and his chic were left to repairs after chasing the insurance company. They spent not less than 300k in repairs & replacement,sold the car at a very low price than they bought it,went back to matatus,buses & taxis.

NOT THE FUCKED UP PART YET...

11/4/2011 destination Mombasa - Kilindini harbor. The couple going to pick their newly imported Toyota Mark X, I remember we named the automobile of all names we called it Maning'ning.

Two weeks later Oloo's best friend loves the Mark X and asks him if he can borrow it (NO THIS AIN'T THE FUCKED UP PART EITHER) Oloo, was uneasy because he knew if his chic juas italeta shida. I even suggested if he has to,one can hire a Mark X for 4-5k, heri wachange coz if he's caught it might leta problems (My advice). Oloo kasema hana doe & it was just for a night. Friday,iregeshwe Sato asubuhi. St. Oloo hakuniskia, at 3pm the dude was given the keys to Maning'ning on condition ioshwe na mafuta ijazwe coz Oloo's chic was going for a wedding & the car was in the line up.

NO,NOT THE FUCKED UP PART YET!!!

Twendele... Oloo spent at his parents' (That's what he told his chic but he spent at his best pal's) coz if he went to his place where he lived with his chic, she would realize the car ain't there & she'd cause drama.

Morning 7:30am am told Mark X ilikua imefika,full tank,washed and no scratches. (Am sure unasema thank God? ngoja,mambo bado...) Oloo had to go pick his suit but the car had to be with his chic. So he opted to drop the car make his way to town avae suit huko wapatane tao. I was riding with them as I was emceeing at the wedding. I was at Tmall when I got a call from Oloo's chic,"Tumefika stadi!" I took my last sip and gobbled up the samosa I was having,ran by the road,saw Maning'ning and jumped in the back seat.

As usual I started yapping but realized guys were quiet,Oloo on the passenger seat,his chic driving,suddenly she burst out crying & parked the car next to Armed forces memorial & started crying non stop,"X hizi njo vitu mnafanya usiku??"

FINALLY....THE FUCKED UP PART: (Nimejua hii part leo as narrated by a drunk Oloo 2 hours ago)

REWIND TO GARI IMELETWA FULL TANK & WASHED... The car was washed outside but the fool who borrowed it never bothered to wash inside. So trying not to raise any suspicion Oloo was eager to reach his place and hand the car to his chic. Quickly excused himself, got into a mat to town. His chic drove to where the cars were being decorated but realized it was dirty, he asked her bro to clean inside the car were beer bottles, a chic's inner garment & used co%*^ms. Someone had a good time. The chic was furious called her in laws & found out Oloo never spent at home.