STAFF ROOM NIGHTMARE

Xavier ameshikwa class akiandika script class instead of writing notes. "Go to the staff room, kneel by my desk uningoje."

I walk into the staff room and ask Mrs. Karuga's desk from a friendly teacher. She points it to me. I go stand next to it like a statue.

The next desk teacher Mr. Were, the Agriculture teacher goes like,"Kijana, why are you standing there as if you have a pig's orgasm?" (This dude made us know pigs have very long orgasm)

The whole staff room erupts in laughter.

"Miss Karuga told me to come to her desk".

Mr. Wasike aka Mupa roars,"To do what?"

"To kneel down".

Mr. Wanambisi aka Croco (R.I.P) snaps,"Wee kichana hugo kwenu mnapikanga makodi kama umesima? Hepu weka makodi kapla sijakurarua kofi."

My rugby teacher Mr. Kituyi aka Fisi walks in and calls me by my nick name,"Thunder, unafanya nini hapa."

Miss Mchocho answers for me,"Huyu inakaa ame nyonga mtu".

"You know this boy alikataa kurudisha short ya rugby", says Fisi.

"He musht have ushed it azzh hissh under wear," goes Mr. Sifuna aka Mbuni.

Oh no, my drama teacher Mr. Masibo enters. "Nato, una fanya nini hapa? Mr. Makaka do you know this boy was imitating you in the school bus?"

Mr. Makaka's nose swells as he calls the office messenger (I hear he's a county rep now) the dude runs for a panga and comes back with canes as if he had gone for firewood. I get 6 good ones then told to immitate Mr. Makaka or I get more. I do then Mr. Makaka cabes me for doing it. Mr. Wasike is in tears laughing and asks me to immitste Mr. Sifuna but I decline, Mr. Sifuna will kill me, so he looks for a teacher not around and tells me to immitate Mr. Stima. Then I start,"Young man, my father did not give me the name stima...", Mr. Stima walks in,"Kijana, what are you saying."

"Mwalimu, Mr. Wasike told me to..."

"Wee me nimekusmbia nini?"

"Go down kijana. You will know why my father gave me the nsme Stima".

Am blessed with 5 hot ones. Then I go back to kneeling. Mrs. Lusenaka enters, "This boy, kijana, mbona sikupendagi?" I remain silent, surely how do I answer. "And he's very rude, yani huezi jibu?"

"Naweza mwalimu".

"Mbona roho yangu ime kukataa, nikikuona ina chafuka tu ni kama nimeona matope".

"Sijui mwalimu".

"Ati hujui? Mr. Stima nipe hio kiboko".

Mrs. Ataka comes to my rescue, (Francis Ataka tell your madam THANK YOU)

"Achaneni na huyo kijana jamani, Lusenaka wacha."

"Haya ni jibu basi, mbona sikupendi?"

"Kwa sababu am a bad boy".

She leaves me alone. The bell goes and soon Ms. Karuga enters,"You can go back to class now